Mystic Scotland (Part 1 of 3)

In 2002 Linda and I traveled to Scotland to research our family history. Along the way we discovered an entire country. We fell in love with its kindly people and its wonderful history. I've already posted on the research we conducted into my family's past in the little fishing village of Port Gordon.

Here is the beginning of a series on some of Scotland's ancient and mystical historic sites.



Not far from Inverness and even closer to Culloden, in the northern reaches of Scotland lies the 4000 year old Balnuaran of Clava, an ancient collection of cairns and standing stones, some impressively worked and over ten feet in height.

Here the leading members of an ancient and prehistoric people were buried and the silence that surrounds them is a testimony to the sanctity of this mystic place.

Eleven monoliths ring this neolithic site like a mini Stonehenge. All standing in mute testimony to the inexorable march of time.

The entrance to the passage cairn, shown at the end of the video, is perfectly aligned with the mid winter sun rise.

Linda and I make brief guest appearances, about 3/4 of the way into the video.

Happy Hallowe'en

They came in their hundreds.

They came in their costumes.

They came with eyes sparkling with mischief. And with candy.

It was Halloween, all Hallows Eve, and the ghosts and the goblins were out. As was the Swine Flu. In fact more people came disguised as the swine flu than any other costume this year.

And that is how it should be. Halloween is the time of year for us to face our most dreaded fears, and mock them. It isn't a celebration of dread, it is a purging of dread.

Afraid of death? Then become the dead, for just one night. And dance. And eat candy. Revel.

And they did. From babes in carriages to teens with barely any disguise at all.

And for once, it didn't rain on their parade, nor was it too cold for their constumes to be on display. No mother covering the wolfman or the princess with heavy winter coats.

"Trick or Treat! Shell Out Shell Out The Witches Are Out!

With thoughts for my daughter Heather whose children couldn't Trick or Treat this year. And my daughter Kathy whose son also is sidelined. All with the H1N1. Perfect timing guys!

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Natalie, at Musings from the Deep, had a suggestion she asked me to pass along:

"Barry, a few weeks ago, i did a post about sending healing energy to you, and other blog sufferers who were unwell.In my post, i suggested a few moments every time we logged on to do our posts, dedicated to sending healing and love.If we all did this, think of the healing generated! Sadly,only a few people responded. Maybe because your blog has more exposure, you could remind people."

To join her squad, CLICK HERE

The Herbalist

It sat in the elbow of the old "L" shaped plaza, between a used computer store and a the Karnaphuli Bazar. But before I could get to it, the light drizzle we'd been having all day turned to a heavy downpour.

I shut the car door and decided to wait the storm out. It rattled the roof of the car and ran down the front windscreen in sheets. I turned on the wiper blades for a minute. The stark black and white "Herb House" sign came and went, came and went as the blades fought uselessly against the deluge.

My Naturopath had sent me here on a quest, not for exotic herbs, but for a more soluble form of vitamin D. I had never been to an Herbalist before and didn't even know there was one in our community. My impression of an herbalist came exclusively from movies like the Goonies. I pictured a murky chaotic interior filled with bags and glass jars all hand labeled by an ancient Chinese Herbalist who sat in shadows at the rear of the store dreamily smoking his bong.

The noise of the rain against the car roof was deafening.

I ached. It was the third day since my chemotherapy treatment and side effects were beginning to show up. Every joint in my body was in pain, buffeted only slightly by extra strength Tylenol.

Linda had no desire for me to be here. She wanted me safely cacooned at home as H1N1 swept across the city. My immune system may, or may not, have been impacted by the chemo. We won't know until the next blood test in three weeks time. Chances are it has been only slightly impacted at this point, so I think I'm safe enough to be out, among people. Briefly.

Besides, I don't do cabin fever well. I need to be out. I need to be doing things.

Another car pulled across the parking lot, wiper blades going at double speed, its wheels leaving a wake across the wet lot as it crawled passed.



I had a lot to think about, while I waited for the storm to let up. I'd just been reading an article on studies being conducted at the Indiana University School of Medicine. The study's director, Margaret Moga, was researching the arcane practice of sending healing energy at lab mice injected with cancer cells. Expecting a 100 percent fatality rate, instead the results had been nothing less than astonishing.

Initially inspired personally by ancient Chinese methods of herbal and natural remedies, Maga was taken aback with the results of both the control group of mice and the "experimental" group. All mice in both groups, which were expected to die in less than thirty days and those that received the healing energies focused by the lab assistants, lived out full life spans.

The preparation for the experiment was straightforward enough--project pure and positive thoughts, feelings and visions personal to the "healer" through a training session, and focus the positive energy through open palms upon the experimental group. After series of treatments, the group receiving healing went into remission and beat the cancer... but so did the group not treated.

This would have come as a complete shock if it hadn't already been done in studies, rigidly controlled by other skeptical scientists, before. Does the bio-mind have a large scattered field of energy that encompassed more than the intended mouse? Or was it all just a meaningless oddity.

The world was a stranger place than I had assumed. I sat in the car in the storm and thought.

Until the rain turned off with a suddenness that was startling. For a moment the world was quiet and peaceful, until I began to hear traffic roaring and beeping along nearby Eglinton Ave.

I reopened the car door and ran across the parking lot to the Herb House and the ancient Chinese bong smoker.

Instead I found a clean and modern store that reminded me of a strange cross between a drug store and a pet shop, with shelves of drugs next to shelves of large bags. The store was staffed by a young Indian couple who were laughing and teasing each other. I approached and showed them the note from the Naturopath. The young woman smiled and went to get the liquid form of Vitamin D from the shelf.

"Look under 'V'", the man reminded her,looking up from his Blackberry, "Not under 'D'"

She gave him an ironic smirk, and deftly picked the product from the shelf.

He charged me $17.50 and 5 cents for the bag, as now required by Ontario law. And my first visit with an Herbalist was over.

And I went home, without the flu.

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Those interested in reading more about the Healing experiment CLICK HERE

Friday Shoot Out

Looking for my Friday Shootout? Well it's not here any more.

Linda and I have decided to combine our efforts and host a single page for our shootouts on Friday. At least until I'm over this new round of chemotherapy.

So to see our contribution this week please CLICK HERE

This One's For Nancy

Nancy (aka Science Girl), had an interesting comment about the before and after pictures I posted yesterday: "To me, you look every bit as unhappy in either picture. Hair doesn't seem to be doing it for you either way."

I looked at the pictures again.

What I had intended to show was my mug looking calmly out of the photo with an expression it would be easy for me to reproduce for the after shot. The one showing me without hair. But when I looked at the photos again, with Nancy's eyes, I did see an unhappy man. A man facing the start of another cycle of chemo, this one more intense with much stronger potential side effects.

Sometimes the camera sees deeper into the soul that you intend.

Fortunately my day at the Chemo Day Care Centre proved more farce than tragedy and the side effects, so far, have been minimal.

The Chemo Day Care Centre is one huge long room with beds down either side of the longer walls. Each bed is separated from the others by a screen on either side but is open at the front for the nurses to monitor. So I can hear people on either side of me and can see the patients across the room from me.

My chemo would take five hours and begin with a half hour injection of steroids, followed by an antihistamine drip. Almost everyone is alergic to the Taxol, the main chemo drug I would be getting.

According to the Taxol Fact sheet I was given:

The following Taxol side effects are common (occurring in greater than 30%) for patients taking Taxol:

* Low blood counts. Your white and red blood cells and platelets may temporarily decrease. This can put you at increased risk for infection, anemia and/or bleeding.
* Hair loss
* Arthralgias and myalgias, pain in the joints and muscles. Usually temporary occurring 2 to 3 days after Taxol, and resolve within a few days.
* Peripheral neuropathy (numbness and tingling of the hands and feet)
* Nausea and vomiting (usually mild)
* Diarrhea
* Mouth sores
* Hypersensitivity reaction - fever, facial flushing, chills, shortness of breath, or hives after Taxol is given. The majority of these reactions occur within the first 10 minutes of an infusion. Notify your healthcare provider immediately (premedication regimen has significantly decreased the incidence of this reaction).

Typical of such fact sheets, the "shortness of breath" clause is deftly hidden in the final paragraph. According to my oncologist, it isn't shortness of breath, it is a sudden inability to breathe. And it occurred withing a minute or so of the Taxol drip being turned on.

As our nurse was explaining all of this to us, a loud elderly couple, on the other side of the screen next to us, were shouting questions at their nurse who was yelling answers back at them.

"What about his liver?" The woman was asking.

Our nurse was puzzled, mistakenly thinking Linda had asked the question.

"His liver? He has no trouble with his liver" She answered, looking back at my file in case she had missed something.

"I didn't say anything," said Linda.

"And that thing in this kidney!" the woman next to us shouted.

Our nurse looked up, "His kidney?"

"It wasn't me," said Linda.

And then we heard the nurse next to us shouting back her reply about the impact of chemo on the man's kidney.

Our nurse smiled. "They must be hard of hearing," she whispered.

Across the room, another nurse rolled a crash cart up against the wall and left it there, conveniently close to our bed.

"Don't worry if you have trouble catching your breathe once I start the Taxol drip," our nurse said reassuringly, "I'll be right here watching and will stop the drip immediately. And you will be able to breathe again, right away."

I nodded understanding, my eyes locked on the crash cart that had just been positioned across the room from us.

"And what about his heart," shouted the woman next to us.

Our nurse turned.

Linda shook her head and pointed at the screen next door. Our nurse smiled and shrugged.

As it turned out, when the time came to administer the Taxol, it had no noticeable effect on me at all. The nurse stayed with us for about 10 minutes, until it became clear I would have no reaction and then went on to her other patients. After a few minutes, the crash cart was wheeled away.

I went back to my Peter Jackson novel, "The Colour Of Darkness" and the day went on.

And so far, touch wood, I've had no side effects from this whatsoever. But, if I remember correctly from my last course of chemo treatments, the side effects often don't begin to be noticed until the third day.

So I have a way to go yet.

Still, as the picture at the top of this post shows, now that its over I can laugh again.

Can You See A Difference?

I can't See A Difference

Barry as he looked on the morning of Monday October 26th. Purportedly with hair.



Barry on the Afternoon of Monday October 26th. Is there a difference?



Move over Yul Bryner, there's a new King of Siam in town.

Or, as his daughter once said when he told her he was going to get a haircut, "What hair?"

Barry will be in the Chemo Day Care Centre at Princess Margaret Hospital today from 8:00 am until approximately 2:00 pm

His Nephew Mark is kindly driving Linda and himself downtown for the appointment.

Whether he is able to post here tomorrow will depend on his reaction to the treatment. If you don't find a post here for a few days you may want to check out his wife, Linda's blog for an update.

Cosmic Events and Individual Tragedies

The Earth falls toward the massive star at the very centre of its solar system, while its speed attempts to fling it back into the cold void of space. But it can neither fall nor flee, locked for eternity in an endless struggle between these massive forces, it traces an uneasy ellipse around the sun.



The imperfect planet wobbles around an imaginary line passing through its poles, its axis. This line forms an angle, a tilt, of 23.4° with the perpendicular to the orbit of the Earth around the Sun.

Causing the seasons to change.

Now plunging the Northern Hemisphere of the planet into the dark cold of winter. The meteorological forces of the planet react to the change, raising massive storms, as cold winds from the north roar across the planet's surface, ripping and tearing their way south.

The trees cling to the earth, bending with the storms, giving up the beauty of the fall leaves as they struggle to survive the seasons change.

But not all are able.



Our smoke bush that stands beside the gazebo at the end of our yard, giving us its shade in the early fall and its beauty in the spring, has fallen. The victim of an individual weakness and cosmic forces far beyond its control.



There was a weakness where trunk became root. As the strong Fall winds tore around it, pushing relentlessly against its leafy canopy, it snapped and fell.

Taking with it one of the centre pieces of our garden. Its unique smokey seeds that brought visitors to a halt and made them gasp in wonder, will be no more.



It will now be cut into manageable pieces and replaced with a new tree, perhaps even another smoke bush. But it will be years before balance is restored to the garden and all is put right again.

The cosmos has spoken, the wheel of life has turned, the world is alive with forces beyond our control. And the best we can do is go with the flow, bend when the forces exceed our resistance, survive, and go on.