Monday, January 5, 2009

How I Met My Wife--Part 2


"Doctor Jung?"

"How did you get in here? You do not have ze appointment, nein?" The elderly man was struggling to get his pipe lit.

"Well I was just passing by and I saw the light was on and I have this problem, see, so..."

"Zo you thought zat nice Dr. Carl Jung won't mind my dropping in unannounced for ze appointment" the elderly psychiatrist leaned back comfortably in his chair. "You thought, zat old man, has nothing better to do these days than listen to me babble about my little complexes, nein?"

"Well, I knew you'd been dead for 50 years so I thought you wouldn't be too busy to see me." I sat down in the chair opposite.

"Zat is still no excuse for rudeness." Jung looked scowled at the schedule on his desk. "Hasn't been updated since 1961. So, as it happens I have a few minutes to spare. What is your problem, mien herr?"

"Well I write this blog over at blogspot. I kind of tell anecdotes about my life and talk about taking my dog for runs along the bluffs and..."

Jung slammed his hand on his desk top. "Vas is this babbling. You think I haf time for zis babbling? Tell me your problem or go back where you came from!"

"Well, my problem is I have this story to tell, about the first date I went on with my wife, but it kind of casts me in a bad light."

"Zo don't tell zis story, zen." Jung looked fiercely over the top of his mustache. "It is enough that ve know the shadow side of our lives. Ve do not need to babble zem to za vorld!"

"But that's my problem, see. I don't want people to think badly of me, but at the same time I want to tell the story. It's a very funny story."

"Ah ze anima und ze animus. Ze two sides of you are in ze battle, no?" he asked with a kinder tone to his voice. "You are battling with ze dark forces of your nature, mein herr"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. It's just a funny story. Only people may be laughing at me, not with me when they..."

Jung puffed thoughtfully on his pipe. "You are ze introvert, nein? And you are struggling with ze extrovert side of your nature in writing zis blog thing, nien? That is ze archetypal battle; but that is not what is going on here, is it, mein herr?"

"Well I..."

"You are toying with ze famous Dr. Jung and with ze readers of your blog, are you not. They want to hear the rest of the story und you are giving them zis drivel." Jung paused for a moment, his eyes suddenly alight with understanding. "Wait a minute! Zis is not ze true complex you are here to discuss, is it? You are here only to delay ze revelation. You are building ze suspense zo people will come by tomorrow in ze even greater numbers to read your blog, is it not zo? You are playing games with us."

"Well I ..."

Jung waved a long and intimidating finger at me, "You are a despicable human being, an evil stunted toad. Zat is my analysis of you. Now get out of my office!"

I ran for the door.

"Wait," Jung bellowed! "That vill be $100 for ze analysis. Cash. Ve don't accept credit cards in Heaven! Und Part 3 of zis story had better be good!"

Carl Jung