Monday, May 31, 2010

Misery Loves Company

Despite a couple of nice things happening, it has been a miserable week.

And I'm not much looking forward to this one either.

I look back and marvel at the rapidity of my decline. It seems that everyday brings a noticeable increase in the intensity of my symptoms or the erosion of my strength. Linda has become so alarmed she has taken the day off work today, no longer certain I can be left on my own.

Tomorrow I have a visit with the Medical Oncologist and Thursday I begin a new cycle of chemo. On Monday the 7th I have my first appointment with Palliative Care and the next day I finally have an appointment to drain my lungs of the fluid that is nearly crippling me.

Everyday pulls me further from the series of radiation treatments I have just completed, but whose cumulative side effects will continue to build for a some days yet.

Poor Linda, my conversations become entirely focused on my own internal condition, my aches and coughing, wheezing, panting, crushing fatigue, bloating, diarrhea, pain and sorrow.

I am miserable company. Even Lindsay will attest to that.

I have never gone into chemo from such a low ebb and know chemo will add its own layer of side effects.

But it is the hope I cling to for some return to normalcy.